luvdance
09-19-2007, 12:47 AM
IT SEEMS that Saint Madonna's former life as a kinky little minx isn't entirely dead and buried. This week her husband, the director Guy Ritchie, was snapped leaving London's Claridge's Hotel with Madonna carrying a transparent shopping bag containing a - err, (this could get a little embarrassing so turn away now if you blush easily), um, ah - strap-on dildo, called (cringe intensely) "The Purple Penetrator".
"Guy was scurrying along behind her like an excited schoolboy," reports Famous. "He hasn't been this excited since Madge pulled out her conical bra and suspender combo." The alarmingly large implement, pictured on the box, appeared to be a "gift" for Ritchie, who was celebrating his 39th birthday. "We so know who wears the trousers in this relationship!" reads one of the mag's hilarious picture captions.
Stars with large libidos are a bit of a theme in Famous this week, with the mag reporting that Lindsay Lohan is addicted to sex - in addition to her long list of other well-publicised vices.
Still holed up in rehab, the party girl and occasional actress is "desperate for a sex fix and doesn't care who it's with", spending her spare time "watching raunchy movies like Disclosure and Indecent Proposal" and "talking sexy" to former boyfriends on the phone. We almost feel sorry for her. Perhaps Madonna would be kind enough to deliver Ritchie's birthday pressie over to Lohan once he's finished with it.
Not surprisingly, the other big news this week is Britney's disastrous drug-addled performance at the MTV awards. OK! threatens to put Dr Phil out of work with its sympathetic, pop psychology assessment of the event; detailing "how it fell apart" and "why it all went wrong". Far more entertaining is NW's coverage of the terrible tale. "I looked like a FAT PIG" and "CAREER OVER!" the mag's cover screams in capitals for maximum effect. To be honest, we're more concerned about a small, separate item in the accompanying story. It defies belief, but Brit was caught venturing out without her undies. Again!
Forget making a career comeback, that should be the least of her worries right now. Britney needs to get back to basics, starting with learning to nail her morning dressing routine. Undies first Brit, undies first. Please.
NW zooms in on another celebrity disaster. "What's up with Courtney Love's strange face?" the mag asks and not without reason, given the alarming accompanying pictures of Love. "Insiders say the 43-year-old rocker has either been hit with a massive outbreak of cold sores or she may have had a bad reaction to yet another injection of synthetic lip plumper." Or maybe she's just been scoffing chocolate in preparation to play a pimply 15-year-old in a new movie.
Barely out of her teens herself is Bec Hewitt, who is embroiled in some serious scandal this week. New Idea rips into the former soap star and tennis wife. "Her betrayal", "Missing money" and "Starving kids" the magazine announces on its cover ambiguously.
Turns out that Mrs Hewitt "vowed" to build an orphanage in Cambodia a few years back, promising "to feed the kids". Apparently she hasn't produced a cent of her own money yet despite her penchant for splashing the cash on essentials listed by the magazine including a $420,000 Ferrari and an $8.3 million Melbourne penthouse.
We expect the Hewitts are in damage control right now but they needn't bother wasting money on expensive PR consultants. We know the perfect way to swing public opinion - just take a leaf out of Madonna's book. And we're talking about adopting an orphan - not Madge's choice of birthday presents.
"Guy was scurrying along behind her like an excited schoolboy," reports Famous. "He hasn't been this excited since Madge pulled out her conical bra and suspender combo." The alarmingly large implement, pictured on the box, appeared to be a "gift" for Ritchie, who was celebrating his 39th birthday. "We so know who wears the trousers in this relationship!" reads one of the mag's hilarious picture captions.
Stars with large libidos are a bit of a theme in Famous this week, with the mag reporting that Lindsay Lohan is addicted to sex - in addition to her long list of other well-publicised vices.
Still holed up in rehab, the party girl and occasional actress is "desperate for a sex fix and doesn't care who it's with", spending her spare time "watching raunchy movies like Disclosure and Indecent Proposal" and "talking sexy" to former boyfriends on the phone. We almost feel sorry for her. Perhaps Madonna would be kind enough to deliver Ritchie's birthday pressie over to Lohan once he's finished with it.
Not surprisingly, the other big news this week is Britney's disastrous drug-addled performance at the MTV awards. OK! threatens to put Dr Phil out of work with its sympathetic, pop psychology assessment of the event; detailing "how it fell apart" and "why it all went wrong". Far more entertaining is NW's coverage of the terrible tale. "I looked like a FAT PIG" and "CAREER OVER!" the mag's cover screams in capitals for maximum effect. To be honest, we're more concerned about a small, separate item in the accompanying story. It defies belief, but Brit was caught venturing out without her undies. Again!
Forget making a career comeback, that should be the least of her worries right now. Britney needs to get back to basics, starting with learning to nail her morning dressing routine. Undies first Brit, undies first. Please.
NW zooms in on another celebrity disaster. "What's up with Courtney Love's strange face?" the mag asks and not without reason, given the alarming accompanying pictures of Love. "Insiders say the 43-year-old rocker has either been hit with a massive outbreak of cold sores or she may have had a bad reaction to yet another injection of synthetic lip plumper." Or maybe she's just been scoffing chocolate in preparation to play a pimply 15-year-old in a new movie.
Barely out of her teens herself is Bec Hewitt, who is embroiled in some serious scandal this week. New Idea rips into the former soap star and tennis wife. "Her betrayal", "Missing money" and "Starving kids" the magazine announces on its cover ambiguously.
Turns out that Mrs Hewitt "vowed" to build an orphanage in Cambodia a few years back, promising "to feed the kids". Apparently she hasn't produced a cent of her own money yet despite her penchant for splashing the cash on essentials listed by the magazine including a $420,000 Ferrari and an $8.3 million Melbourne penthouse.
We expect the Hewitts are in damage control right now but they needn't bother wasting money on expensive PR consultants. We know the perfect way to swing public opinion - just take a leaf out of Madonna's book. And we're talking about adopting an orphan - not Madge's choice of birthday presents.